Laugh Break

It is important to laugh aften. I'm not sure why...

Anybody who knows me is familiar with my propensity to crack people up. When I retire I plan to do stand-up comedy from a wheelchair (my knees will fail by then).

PUNS are the lowest form of entertainment, but I was fortunate to collect a few that are funny:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3 . Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

11. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled mussel.

12 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

13. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

14. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

15. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

16. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced a set of callouses his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... .. A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

17. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.